


Vomiting and Diarrhea

by PeregrineBones



Series: 1994 [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Post-Prison, Reunions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 17:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7766383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeregrineBones/pseuds/PeregrineBones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius is home, but he and Remus have a few things to work out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vomiting and Diarrhea

At least this was familiar thought Remus ruefully as he held Sirius' filthy head while he vomited. He had done this many times for him in their maraudering days, more times than was really healthy, in retrospect. He had done it for James and Peter as well, and he supposed that they had done it for him, although, truth be told, Remus Lupin was the least likely of the four marauders to need his head held over a toilet after a night of drunken debauchery. Sirius' hair was greasy and matted and, oh Crowley, was that lice? He supposed there was a spell for that. He would have to look it up.

Sirius spit and wiped his mouth, then looked up at Remus, his eyes blank and far away. For a moment Remus wasn't sure if Sirius even recognized him.

“Shit, Moony,” Sirius said, and then everything changed, his grey eyes filled with warmth and his skull like face cracked into a true marauder's grin. “I guess I ate too much.”

As that smile lit Sirius' face, Remus felt the ache that had been frozen in his heart for thirteen years melt away, and then they were both laughing, cackling hysterically like a couple of schoolboys. Then Sirius reached across the toilet and grabbed Remus' face and kissed him, a real kiss, soft and deep and full of yearning. And when they broke apart, Sirius touched his face and looked at him as if seeing him for the first time.

Then Sirius was clutching his belly, rolling on the floor and groaning “Oh Moony, I think I have to shit,” and Remus was pulling off his filthy trousers and sitting him on the toilet, standing beside him and stroking his back while he shat and cursed. Finally when he was done Remus touched his forehead lightly and said “Let’s get you cleaned up then,” and started running water in the old fashioned bathtub. He had some pepper up flakes somewhere and he shook a handful into the tub and they frothed and bubbled, releasing their peppery heat as Sirius got shakily in.

Remus soaped his back and washed his hair and this was familiar, too. They had cared for each other like this during the war, come home cold and frightened, heartsick from the latest atrocity they had witnessed, and had run hot baths for each other, cooked for each other, comforted each other with booze and sex until the world seemed like a place they could live in again. But now Sirius was so thin, his body skeletal, his cheeks sunken, his skin sallow. The prison tattoos snaked up his arms, dark blue ink, snakes and roses twining up both arms to his shoulders and Remus traced the pattern with his finger wonderingly.

“Did you do them yourself?” asked Remus softly.

“Yeah,” said Sirius gruffly. “It helped. In there. The physical pain. It helped with the boredom. And it distracted the dementors. They liked it. They could... understand it.”

“Oh, my poor boy,” breathed Remus softly, and he felt tears stinging his eyes.

He found Sirius some clean pajamas and was shocked at how they hung off him. They had never shared clothes much. Remus had been the skinny one, Sirius broader in the shoulders, wider in the hips. Remus rummaged and found a brush and scissors and worked on Sirius' matted head , brushing out the tangles and cutting out the snarls until his hair hung in damp curls around his face, tumbling to his shoulders. They got into the bed together and lay there, holding each other quietly, the silence between them relaxed and comfortable, Remus playing gently with Sirius' hair. Sirius nuzzled his face into Remus' neck and mumbled, “I'm almost hungry again.”

“You should have something in your stomach,” Remus said decisively, “after all that. Some broth I think, and toast.” He went and fetched the food, and a cheese sandwich for himself; he was suddenly famished. “Slowly,” he said as he handed Sirius the cup of warm broth. “Slowly, now. Just a little at a time.” They ate quietly and then Remus said, “There's some gillyweed if you like,” and Sirius nodded. Remus got up and went to a drawer and they shared a joint as the sky lightened and the birds started to twitter. Sirius closed his eyes, his head resting on Remus' shoulder. Remus traced his hand up and down Sirius’ back, feeling every vertebra through the cotton pajamas.

Remus rose to pee, gathering up the dishes. He felt relaxed, as if he could sleep. Sirius stirred and opened his eyes and looked up at him. “What did you do Moony?” he croaked, his gaunt face gone cold, his eyes like grey stones. “When I was in there?”

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, his voice was close to a whisper.

“You know what I mean.” Sirius suddenly looked menacing.

Remus felt his heart stand still. “I…..no. I don’t,” he said hesitantly, though he thought he did.

“Were you with anyone?”

“I….”

“Did you sleep with anyone?” Sirius was staring at him intently. “Did you Moony?”

Remus standing at the doorway, was not completely surprised by the question. He knew Sirius, knew how jealous and possessive he could be. Now he looked Sirius in the eye and took a deep breath. “ _Come what may_ ,” he thought to himself and said softly “Yes, Sirius, I did.”

He set the dishes down by the door and moved back to the bed, kneeling on the floor beside it and taking Sirius' hands in his own.

“Were there many?” Sirius asked, his eyes never leaving Remus' face.

“Kind of,” said Remus squirming inside slightly. “I went through sort of a slutty period.”

“Were they all...?”

“All men? Yes. Gay as the first day of spring, am I,” said Remus with rueful smile.

“Were any of them serious?”

“A few. I lived with a bloke for 3 years.”

“Were you in love?”

“After a fashion I suppose we were. It..... ended badly.”

“Oh.” The silence between them lengthened, no longer relaxed, but charged.

“It was my worst fear,” said Sirius finally, his voice tight. “In there. You know you have so much time, hours, months, years. Your worst fears, your worst thoughts.....you can't help but dwell on them. I thought about you with other... people... a lot. It tormented me.”

“I'm sorry,” said Remus and he had never meant anything so much in his whole life. “I’m so sorry.” He felt the regret in his chest, a searing pain, a physical thing. He crawled into the bed beside Sirius and put his arms around him.

“I had to live” he said brokenly. “I... after Lily and James died and you went to prison it was....it was horrible. I know you had it worse than me, ten times worse, but it was still awful. Lily and James were dead, I thought that Peter was dead and that you had betrayed us all. And I was... all alone. You were my whole world, Sirius. I had nothing... I … it took a long time, but eventually.... I had to live.”

There was a long deep silence and Remus wondered what had gone on for Sirius in Azkaban. He knew enough about life inside the prison to know that sex among the prisoners was common there, a way of life really, used as a kind of currency among desperate men who had nothing else. The dementors didn't notice as long as you were able to stay detached, show no feeling. He shuddered, thinking about it. Oh well, he supposed Sirius would tell him about it in his own time, if ever.

“Sirius,” said Remus finally. “I just want you to know, you don't have to worry about any of those other blokes.”

“Why not?” asked Sirius, his voice hollow.

“Because I am never, ever letting go of you again.” He turned and bumped his forehead hard against Sirius’, their noses touching, his breath hot in the other man's face. “I don't know what is going to happen. I'm terrified, actually, but I am going to do everything I can to protect you and keep you safe and I am never, ever, leaving you.” He pushed Sirius on to his back and pinned his shoulders to the bed, straddling him,. His face was deadly serious. He kissed him on the mouth, hard. “Not ever. The worst mistake I ever made was doubting you, was thinking for a moment that you could betray James, betray me. I... I won't make that mistake again.”

Sirius put his arms around him and they lay there together for a while, until Sirius' breathing slowed and Remus got up to piss. It was light out now. He felt as if he had been awake for a thousand years. The birds were making what suddenly seemed to Remus an unnecessary amount of noise.

When he got back to bed, Padfoot lay curled between the sheets. Remus sighed. Oh, well, what had he been expecting? A shag? Well, yes, but more than that. A chance to talk, a chance to mourn, a chance to soothe the aching loneliness inside him. He got into bed and curled around Padfoot, twined his fingers in the feathery fur under his legs. He yawned and settled into the soft doggy comfort of having Padfoot beside him. Indigo the cat slipped into the room. She curled at Remus’ feet and started purring loudly.

“This is going to be interesting,” wheezed the enchanted mirror softly.


End file.
